Hello My name is Anita I am tall ,good looking, perfect body figure and sexy. I saw your profile and was delighted to contact you, I hope you will be the true loving, honest and caring person that I have been looking for, And I have something special to tell you about me, So please contact me directly through my email address at (firstname.lastname@example.org) so that I can also send my picture directly to you thanks yours friend Anita,
Cynthia...Thank you. We spoke the other morning while you were on your way to see Rev Tita...I was just a bit jelly of you here...LOL! I admit, I miss Unity SO much! Right now...just baby stepping it...
Let me know how I can contribute to your work. Noble.
I am a child psychiatrist and like you worked in the courts, in my case as an expert witness in New York.
My book, The Intelligent Divorce, is the first of a three part series, in which I guide parents through divorce with their eye always on the kids. This book deals with taking care of children. The next one is about self care in divorce and the third is about managing the power struggles with a difficult ex spouse. I am having fun writing all this stuff after doing this work for twenty years!
If you would like a copy of the book, let me know.
I would appreciate your take on it.
We are contributing to a new approach to divorce. Thank God.
There will always be power struggles (they are in marriage as well), but they can be managed and not heightened. This is the peaceful divorce.
ps: I call it The Intelligent Divorce because peace is asking a lot. ;)
Thanks for the post. I am a divorce attorney and mediator in Weston, Florida. Began receiving your emails a few months ago and I am very interested in the Peaceful Divorce process. I'm a member of the collaborative lawyers and believe in that model, but it is not for everyone and some clients do not feel comfortable committing to it. I would love to connect and learn more about what you do.
I have been through a TransParenting (what it is called in our area) class that was mandated by our court system. Currently my husband and I are in mediation. It seems to be going very slowly. I love the idea of transparenting but then I look at who I am dealing with and it just fills me with dread. We have (against my better judgement) agreed to 50/50 parenting...one week with me, one week with him. Our oldest daughter (15 1/2) doesn't like it at all and is afraid her life will change drastically. I told her it shouldn't be any different than what her life is now except of where she will sleep. Our youngest daughter (12) is fine with it and actually wanted it that way.
Now, I am concerned about the financial aspect of everything. He has always paid all bills relating to the house and I have always paid bills pertaining to medical, vehicles and maintenance of the girls and I. I have always had a 401K and as far as I know he has no type of savings whatsoever. Knowing how he is about always coming out on top in situations like this...I want to be sure everything is done fairly. He is a realtor by profession. I am an administrative assistant. I am not looking to be vindictive but since he isn't willing to relinquish the house (says he can't afford to go out and get another one) I feel I am left to do so. As of now, we are currently in the same house which isn't doing anyone (especially the girls and I) any good. I have never been a vindictive person and don't plan on starting now. We both have secured seperate legal counsel but everytime I call with a question I see $$ signs going out the window...it is unreal!
One question I do have is this...in our state (IN) everything is 50/50 so where does the responsibility of bills end? From the date I filed? or is he able to go out and wrack up credit card bills in expectations of me having to pay 1/2?
Any help or direction you could give me would be greatly appreciated.Delete Comment
The puzzle piece I bring to the table of the peaceful divorce is my ability to bring equilibrium or realistic expectations to the final outcome and to keep the importance of the children at the forefront but not in the line of fire. I keep my clients informed throughout the process as a means to calm the divorce angst as much as possible. I also believe in empowering my clients by guiding him/her to the resources s/he will need to achieve a win/win outcome for a healthy, vibrant family post-divorce.
Hi, Cynthia, Although I am a lawyer, I'm happiest when I play the role of mediator because I enjoy encouraging both parties to express themselves and working out language that everyone can live with. As I am a lawyer by training, I also enjoy working in a collaborative divorce. Most of the time I work as the mediator and I bring in a financial advisor to help the couple with the numbers and sometimes a mental health therapist to help with the parent coordination, all of us as neutrals. The couple truly benefits from having a "divorce transition team" in place. I never give up on the couple. I stand for the resolution of all issues. I'm kind of the cheerleader and coach for the couple as well as the drafter of the documents. I also try to keep them laughing and diffuse the tension with humor.
My piece to the peaceful divorce puzzle is helping individuals explore their childhood experiences and relationships and how they use these to select a partner. Looking at their attempt to repeat what is familiar to them, or attempt repairing what is familiar but not satisfying, can be life changing. I have seen the anger decrease between partners when each realizes that their being together was not a chance happening. Understanding this process can produce compassion for each partner's struggle taking blame away. This is a difficult process. Some partners would rather blame and stay angry. Those who can look at themselves will grow, change and look at divorce as an opportunity.
First, can you tell me how to edit my profiel so I can get rid of the typo.---going too many directions at one time. WOuld like to get more involved. Cindy H and I have been batting around ideas. Maybe we can all meet one day this summer and chat? Let me know your thoughts
I thought I did leave a comment..one being that there is NO RESOURCES available to folks not interested in utilizing an attorney and/or Mediator...one in the same aside from the fact one is less costlier than the other..I"m looking for resources that would GUIDE ME THROUGH A PRO SE DIVORCE...but I do understand, it is in the best interest of Professionals to promote business and this would be the avenue. Feel free to send me info if you have it available for interested PRO SE parties...I would really appreciate free advice that would assist me ..and not advertisements for their BUSINESS SERVICES....
Thanks for your info!
Yes Peaceful indeed and I would like to know, have you been through a divorce? I think it should be a requirement for the attornies who specialize in the field to have been through the process..it would then be viewed as much more GENUINE ADVICE! Don't you agree?
Again, thanks and all the best look forward to hearing back from you!
While I usually represent one party in a divorce with respect to the division of retirement benefits--I am sometimes retained by both parties to counsel/mediate the terms of their agreement as to this issue and/or to draft the necessary documents (usually court orders known as "QDROs") so that the retirement division may be effectuated by the applicable plans. When I am in the neutral role I serve as an educator so that the parties can make an informed decision about how best to proceed.
I am very pleased to be a part of this group. I have been a divorce attorney in Delaware for thiry years. I have beena mediator for 15. I am interested in learning more about what you plan to do as a group. I am interested in becoming more involved.
My piece of the peaceful divorce puzzle addresses something that society and our predecessors in divorce seem to have overlooked.
If we want to learn how to drive, we take lessons. It's the same with karate, dancing, golf, driving, breast feeding, etc.. There are even instructions and tips for learning how to sell a yo-yo on eBay.
But they never gave us any lessons on how to get divorced. No one tells us what to say and do (and not say and do!) if we hope to persuade our partner to agree to a peaceful, out-of-court settlement.
If society had never required driving instruction, we would have just experienced a century of unnecessary car wrecks. Without specific instruction on how to behave during one-on-one spousal settlement conversations, we have, in fact, already experienced a century of divorce wrecks/wars, many of which were likely unnecessary.
I have come across many newly revealed and effective things that divorcing spouses can now do to entice their spouses to join them in making their ordeal quicker, saner, and more affordable. I plan on sharing these insights with the group.
The more I learn is the more I realize that I need to learn, and whatever I have to offer is certainly far from complete.
I sincerely ask for and welcome any and all input.
Wow Cynthia!! You have done a magnificent job. This site is providing a platform for the cause - carrying the message that divorce doesnt have to destroy a family. I am honored to be a part of the group.
Become an affiliate of the Happily Divorced! book and audio program! Let Reformed "Killer" Divorce Attorney, Cynthia Tiano, and Dr. Max Vogt, Marriage and Family Psychologist, take you on an adventure into the lives of two families going through the divorce legal system - one doing "legal battle" and the other creating a "peaceful divorce". Learn how to create a Win-Win from their experiences... HappilyDivorced.org
One of the guiding values in mediation and collaborative law is transparency. It comes with the territory when one is trying to establish trust with two different parties. Sometimes an issue may arise that one party may wish not to discuss in front of the other. If they both agree, separate meetings may take place. These meetings are called caucuses.Caucuses can be…See More
I think everyone’s least favorite word is BUDGET. Why don’t we want to hear that word? Think about it: We’re asking ourselves to do something we don’t want to do — or worse yet, someone else is asking us to do it. While we might not like them, having a budget does help. In divorce planning — whether you are going to litigation,…See More
I remember when the default custody arrangement had one parent as the custodial parent, and the other parent was known as the “Disneyland parent.” They had their children every other weekend, and maybe once during the week for dinner. Today it is more common to see joint parenting time consist of one week on, and one week off or “two-two-five-five” time,…See More
Very often, couples who are divorcing amicably, or who have straightforward financial situations, will forgo meeting with a financial professional while they go through mediation. Though this may seem logical on its face, “going it alone” may result in unnecessary hardship and inaccurate calculations. It is easy to simply look at a tax table today and say “I am going…See More
Going through divorce means dealing with hundreds of details, some more important than others. One detail that merits extra contemplation is how to deal with the marital home.Does one spouse want to keep it because the children still live there? You don't want to disrupt their lives any more than is already happening. What if the children are grown? Do you still need that much of a house?Here are the three most common means of dealing with the house in divorce:Selling the house and dividing the…See More