So, how will you know if it is time to weed your friendship garden?
Great question. The reason that this is a great question is because it is critical to surround yourself with a group of women and friends who can support you as you move through this transition towards designing your new life.
You will need the motivation, support and encouragement of women who not only wish for your joy and happiness, but who share your desire for creating an exceptional life.
Ask yourself the following questions…do your friends:
support you in moving forward to create the life you desire?
embody the same values and principles that you have?
live their own life of joy and fulfillment?
If not, then it may be time for you to begin the weeding process.
The journey and transition of divorce often results in the transformation of all areas of your life…professional, financial, social, recreational…. Many times, good friends are overwhelmed by the enormity of change that someone going through a divorce is experiencing. And frequently, they are not sure how to react.
Although your friendships may continue along unchanged, it is more likely that they will begin their own transition. And that is ok. In fact, it’s normal.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you begin your own journey and face the inevitable transitioning of your friendships as well.
1. share your vision with your friends.
It is important that you share your desires, goals and vision of what you want to create going forward with your friends. Many times our friends are unsure of what to say and how to communicate with us during and after our divorce. Sometimes they are torn between befriending you or your EX. Sometimes they are overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the changes we are going through. And sometimes they are afraid that this could happen to them and they don’t want to face it.
When you take the opportunity to share with them what you are going through and what your vision for moving forward is, you will immediately get a sense of where your friends are at. She may be distant and withdrawn. She may be jealous. She may be angry at you for making her face her own dissatisfaction with her own life.
Or, you may be surprised and she may simply offer her long lasting support of you and all that your journey will bring to your life.
However each friend reacts, it is normal and not your fault. Your attention and intention must remain on what you want to CREATE for yourself. Your commitment to your friends is to be open and honest, leaving the door open for a continued friendship.
2. don’t take it personally.
If a friend is unable or unwilling to continue a friendship as you move forward along your journey, you can’t take it personally. It is not a rejection of you, but rather a discomfort with the magnitude of change that you are going through.
It is important to let go of what was, and look forward to what will be. Each friendship will take on its own transition as you move from married life to divorce lifestyle. It is okay to allow certain friendships to drift away, for the space where that friendship was, becomes available for something new.
Letting go is theme that emerges when we go through the transition of divorce. Allowing things to leave that are not in alignment with who you are and what you are now creating is critical to beginning to design the life that you desire.
Just as we sometimes sabotage ourselves and listen to our inner voice of limiting beliefs and fears, we can also cling to friendships and relationships that hold us back.
Now is the time to let go of those friendships that do not serve us and hold us back from becoming all that we dream and desire.
3. planting new seeds.
There will inevitably be sadness and loss associated with letting go of friendships, but the space that is created will be available for planting new seeds. You may feel lonliness and fear as familiar relationships are no longer there, but the excitement of new opportunities will replace those feelings.
Making new friends is easy to do with the other “moms” in town, but now these new friendships will be around you and you alone. College may have been the last time you freely opened yourself up to new friends.
This will feel frightening and uncomfortable, but remember this….EVERY woman who has gone through or is going through a divorce feels EXACTLY the same way. And we are each eager to connect and surround ourselves with women of shared experiences and a common vision.
Taking steps to connect to other women around your vision and goals will be essential as you move forward. Today, with the technology and opportunities available through the internet, there are countless possibilities for connecting with groups of women.
professional networking groups
women’s conferences and expos
All of these open the door to women all seeking the comfort and support of other women. And the benefit and reward of engaging in these activities are too numerous to name.
My final word of wisdom for you is to Face the FEAR, and Do It ANYWAY!
Should you need a professional hand holder….feel free to contact me for a complimentary session!