Peaceful Divorce

If you are a separated or divorced parent, you need to communicate with your child’s other parent. Even though you are no longer living together, and, in some cases, especially because you are no longer living together, conflicts about your children (minor ones and major ones) may arise with greater frequency.

What do you do? Hopefully, you calmly discuss and resolve issues such as pick-ups and drop-offs, schedule changes, money, extracurricular activities, and family matters with your child’s other parent when your children cannot hear these conversations.

However, if you are like most separated or divorced parents, you find it quite challenging to peacefully reach common ground with your child’s other parent. Often, despite your best efforts to protect them, children see too much, hear too much and feel their parents’ simmering anger. Some children get a stomach ache every time they have to travel between their parents’ homes; some start to “act out” or withdraw; others may regress to behaviors such as clinging or baby talk.

Current research indicates that one of the most reliable predictors of a child’s success after their parents’ divorce is how well their parents get along. Even though the parents are no longer married, they need a basic relationship and functional communication capability in the interest of the children.

Recognizing that divorced parents can benefit from professional guidance during this transitional time, a new alternative dispute resolution (ADR) resource is becoming more widely available. This solution has many names – parent (or parenting) coordination, therapeutic mediation, and co-parent counseling are some of them – but the principles are comparable and the practicing professionals are similarly credentialed as mediators, mental health professionals and attorneys with specialized training regarding divorce and families.

Working within this non-adversarial ADR framework, parents are able to reach common ground about child-focused decisions. The professional provides feedback in the interest of the family as well as guidance to negotiate and solve parenting problems.

Parents face many changes and challenges regarding the interpersonal relationships and family dynamics that accompany divorce. A parent must function as an individual as well as “mom” or “dad.” As one household becomes two, relationships and boundaries must be redefined within the nuclear and extended family, and new communication patterns must be established to facilitate the healthy growth of parents and children through divorce.

The lives of all family members are touched as parents form new relationships, establish new living situations, and new work schedules. At the same time, the entire family must adapt to children’s new schools, new childcare needs, as well as natural infant, child, adolescent and teen development concerns. Extraordinary events such as illness or death create further challenges for the divorced family.

Often, parents have no idea where to turn for help. Here is the most traditional solution: Hire a lawyer (spend money). The other parent hires a lawyer (more money). Go to court (both parents give up their rights to make decisions and give that right to a judge who does not know your children or the judge may appoint a professional to help you – at your cost.).

You may be able to go to court without a lawyer (saving the attorney’s fees) but you would still be giving up your parental decision-making rights to the judge. Again, the judge may appoint a professional to help you – at your cost.

You could choose to do nothing, but then nothing will change and things will most likely get worse, especially for your children. But it does not have to be that way. Mediators and co-parenting professionals can help you develop the new skills you need. For more info, send an email to cindyharari@aol.com.

Views: 13

Comment

You need to be a member of Peaceful Divorce to add comments!

Join Peaceful Divorce

Become an affiliate of the Happily Divorced! book and audio program! Let Reformed "Killer" Divorce Attorney, Cynthia Tiano, and Dr. Max Vogt, Marriage and Family Psychologist, take you on an adventure into the lives of two families going through the divorce legal system - one doing "legal battle" and the other creating a "peaceful divorce". Learn how to create a Win-Win from their experiences... HappilyDivorced.org


Events

Latest Activity

Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

How Important Is the Budget in Divorce Planning?

I think everyone’s least favorite word is BUDGET. Why don’t we want to hear that word? Think about it: We’re asking ourselves to do something we don’t want to do — or worse yet, someone else is asking us to do it. While we might not like them, having a budget does help. In divorce planning — whether you are going to litigation,…See More
Wednesday
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

21st Century Parenting Plans

I remember when the default custody arrangement had one parent as the custodial parent, and the other parent was known as the “Disneyland parent.” They had their children every other weekend, and maybe once during the week for dinner. Today it is more common to see joint parenting time consist of one week on, and one week off or “two-two-five-five” time,…See More
Aug 15
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Including a Financial Professional in Your Mediation

Very often, couples who are divorcing amicably, or who have straightforward financial situations, will forgo meeting with a financial professional while they go through mediation. Though this may seem logical on its face, “going it alone” may result in unnecessary hardship and inaccurate calculations.  It is easy to simply look at a tax table today and say “I am going…See More
Jul 30
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

What About the House?

Going through divorce means dealing with hundreds of details, some more important than others. One detail that merits extra contemplation is how to deal with the marital home.Does one spouse want to keep it because the children still live there? You don't want to disrupt their lives any more than is already happening. What if the children are grown? Do you still need that much of a house?Here are the three most common means of dealing with the house in divorce:Selling the house and dividing the…See More
Apr 24

Badge

Loading…

About

© 2019   Created by Cynthia Tiano, Esq..   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service