How true this is!
Yes. No matter what stage of life you are in, we know that there are sometimes bad days. When going through a separation and divorce, you may find that the frequency of these “bad” days seem to increase.
Your tolerance and patience for the unexpected, unanticipated and overwhelm is dramatically reduced and your emotions are already stretched in managing the enormous transition you are going through.
So you had a bad day….whatcha gonna do about it?
Well, here are my tips for dealing with “those” days:
When I find myself faced with the unexpected and unwelcome bad day, the first thing that I do is surrender.
I embrace that it is a day that I don’t want to be having and accept that it needs management. I take a deep breath and actually say out loud, “So, today is going to be ONE of those days!”. This allows me to pause for a moment and determine just how I want to approach the day and the issues that are causing the “badness” in the first place.
Part of surrendering is rejecting the instinct to be angry and defensive, and instead, allow for disappointment and sadness. Anger won’t do anything but use energy that you will need to turn the day around so it is best rejected for an open attitude!
2. Let Go
If and when you find yourself faced with one of those days, the easiest thing to do is to Let Go. Let go of what, you ask?
Well, Let Go of what you thought the day was going to be like. Once your head and emotions are thrown off balance for the day, you will most likely be unable to continue along the path you originally intended. So, the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow for a change in plan.
Review what is on your plate and see what can be pushed off to another day…let’s say tomorrow, to free up your ability to manage your day gone awry!
3. Design a New Plan
Now that you have let go of all that you can, the matter at hand is to see how you can turn your current situation into a new plan.
I have found that in embracing this day gone wrong, I also embrace a completely new way of approaching the day.
Often to focus on what matters most…your kids, sleep, eating well, working out…can bring you back to the fundamentals and put the day in perspective. Perspective is what will ultimately put the day back on track.
For example, I will light candles in the house, share with my kids that I am having a bad day, take a bath and either cook or bake something that will smell good and create a “homey” environment. I accept that it is a day that has not gone in the way that I anticipated, and remind myself that once I go to sleep, the day will be over and with tomorrow, a new day will begin!
And sometimes…I allow myself to indulge in a good cry!
You are not alone in having these days…but it is you who gets to CHOOSE how the day will play out.
Founder, The D Spot, LLC
Divorce and Life Reinvention Coach