Peaceful Divorce

The time has come...the journey has been long getting to this place of surrender. "The road looks lonely, but that's just Satan's game..." The journey has taken me to my knee's flat in the dirt where I'm learning...listening to my heart for the first time in a long time. "Rebecca...before you can stand you must strip everything off that has brought you to this place...take it all off...and when you do...stand up, look at yourself, truly and deeply take a look...while you stand utterly completely naked... Look at the beauty you shine...This, this is your True Self! Utterly glorious you just can's see clearly yet...Rest your eyes will adjust...".
I surrender the fairytale of the marriage I chose to live in...it was an illusion, because the truth is it was my prison cell. It was an illusion of love, but not the true "ONE" love... The truth...it isn't love when you are controlled...it is LUST. The lust of control over another. When you have lived in this place you have to learn what is true and what is false...The best advice I have found is that of my heart. The journey to my truest self does not look the way you would think...it has been polar opposites of the way your mind says it should be. This is where I am learning to listen to my heart. If I face my current situations from my mind (the mind is conditioned to respond from past experiences) I fall into deep fear, but as I chose to listen to the gift of my true self, my heart...everything I need, every answer, every path, every door revealed...IF I listen... So, as I walk this road, I take a deep breathe in breathing in and aware of Life that fills my lungs I begin to surrender to see where I am with the grace to accept what I cannot change. Learning to stand on my feet and know that all I need and have ever needed is within...grounded in love. To be OK with being on my own, 37 and learning self-dependence and dropping dependence... I am not a scared little girl lost and alone...I have myself and God. Am I OK here? Yeah...does it hurt? Sometimes...do I miss the comforts of the prison cell? Only when I focus on the past while trying to plan for the future. It is in that moment I realize I am not present in the here and now...I am not aware of my big toe...or how my body feels... I have found out that GOD can only be found in the "Present" moment. He is not in the past or in the future, but in every breathe I take...

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