Helping clients take the peaceful path while divorcing is a two-pronged approach. There’s the behavioral piece (not hiring a killer attorney, not making your ex an enemy, not badmouthing your ex) and there’s the emotional piece. In my experience, clients need to commit emotionally to doing the inner work to avoid becoming a bitter victim. I have turned to some of the wisdom and compassion of Buddhism as a template for guiding clients to find that inner well-spring of peace, even while going through the emotional rigors of divorce.
Six strategies for this that I described in an article in the May/June 2008 issue of the Psychotherapy Networker are 1. Accept the Way Things Are, 2. Choose the Road Less Traveled, 3. See the Big Picture, 4. Listen to Silence, 5. Give Generously, and 6. Strive for Enlightenment. In this article, I describe two meditations (the ABC meditation
and the Metta Bhavana) that assist in this process of opening the heart and grounding oneself in peace regardless of the circumstances.
I continue to refine these ideas and develop new tools to help people stay committed to a peaceful path, both behaviorally and emotionally.
If you'd like to learn more, check out my article “Divorcing Well: Bringing Buddhist Practice to Divorce Counseling”.