So, are you one of those?
Are you one of those women who define themselves by their divorce?
There was a time when I was. My “story” was that I was a divorced woman going through a really rough time. And that clearly, I could not be expected to be all that I could be because I absolutely had no control over what would come next.
Does this sound familiar? I lived for about 6 months with this “story”. Defining myself by this transition called divorce.
Even this many years later, there are parts of the story that can still sometimes feel real.
However, I learned early on that this “story” did not serve me at all. And as a matter of fact, exhausted, frustrated and annoyed my friends and family. They simply didn’t want to hear it. My “poor me story” wore them down. To be honest, it wore me down as well.
It was a wonderful excuse that prevented me from moving forward and creating my new life and it held me exactly where I was.
I felt like a failure. That I had let my family down…and most of all, myself down. What had I done to deserve this and to bring this “trauma” on myself.
I felt lonely, afraid and isolated in my own life. I was overwhelmed by all that needed to get done and what potentially was coming down the road for myself.
The “divorce” was the only thing I could rely on. During most conversations I heard myself saying, “you know I am getting divorced”. And then later, “I am divorced, so….”. It was something that made me special in a way. It gave me a reason to stay where I was and an excuse for not moving forward and doing, being and creating what I really wanted to create in my life.
So, why did I do this? Why do you?
Because it’s easy. Because it’s reliable. Because it is scary to let go of the “story”.
It is frightening to begin again. And guess what…it can take a while to stop being scary…and even today, I have many fearful moments. New relationships with friends and family, new professional endeavors, stepping into financial independence, and new romance…all create fear and anxiety.
Clinging to “being divorced” is a way to avoid taking action to design and create your new life.
But holding on to this “story” is the single greatest thing that will hold you back.
The one thing that will prevent you from your own brilliance…as a mother, a professional, a friend and a woman. It will not only exhaust all of those around you, but it will exhaust you more than anyone.
Holding on to this “story” makes you a victim in your own life. I know because I have been there. My children felt it, my family felt it, my friends felt it and underneath it all…I knew it. But I was trapped…I had trapped myself in my own life.
I will never forget the day I let go of “the story”. The day I decided that my new life would begin.
It was liberating. It was like taking a huge, deep breath of fresh air. It was the most freeing day of my life.
I was simply a single mother and woman. Not a divorcee, not a victim, no longer trapped. I could do anything I wanted. Choose my professional life, my role as a mother, my ideal relationship and how I would approach each and every day.
And it was at this point that my journey truly began.
So I ask you once again…are you that woman? And if so, are you ready to rewrite your “story”?
Take time today to write your new story.
Take out a piece of paper and write across the top:
“I am a brilliant, beautiful and bold woman…and I am ready for my new life. I am ready to let go. I am committed to….”
Make it your personal declaration of independence!
You are NOT your divorce. You are whatever you want to be.