Peaceful Divorce

Thanks to member Krista Barth, Esq. who has provided this valuable message about how to create and maintain a peaceful divorce when you are a parent.

As a divorce attorney who has been through it myself, a peaceful divorce starts when people do the following:

1. Accept the part you each played in the failure of the marriage (even if the only fault was "picking the wrong partner for your needs.")

2. Lower your expectations of each other; after all, if your spouse didn't do certain things WHILE you were married, don't expect it now. You will only be disappointed and frustrated.

3. Remember, once upon a time you loved this person. What was it you loved? Especially when there are children involved, let whatever you loved the most be your mantra when speaking of your spouse. No exceptions to this rule, as children have big ears. As my mother would say, if you don't have anything nice
to say, don't say anything at all!

4. Don't let the lawyers create unnecessary hostility. You are the one who controls the process. How you handle your divorce and treat your spouse and children will have long-lasting ramifications. Do you want to sit on the same side of the room when your child gets married?

5. Find happiness, move on and allow your spouse to do the same. As for new spouses, remember children don't suffer from too many people loving them and you would rather have the new spouse/partner in the game than watching from the sidelines. Family is what you make of it. It takes a village, as they say.

6. Remember your priorities. Love your children more than you dislike your spouse and act accordingly.

7. Remember litigation is a luxury, not a necessity. Fighting is expensive. Letters back and forth over what little Johnny had for lunch are a waste of resources. The money you spend could pay for something really important like your children's education instead of a new car for your lawyer!

8. Realize no one knows your children better than you and your spouse. Do you really want a stranger deciding their future and yours? It is the biggest gamble you will ever take.

9. Choose your battles; there will be disagreements, just as if you were still together. Talk them out and realize communication is important even though you are not together anymore, maybe more so.

10. Remember, life is short, how much of it do you want to spend rehashing the past. Forgive each other and you will have a (mostly) peaceful divorce. I do!

Views: 53

Comment

You need to be a member of Peaceful Divorce to add comments!

Join Peaceful Divorce

Comment by Vanto Vanto on June 24, 2010 at 1:01pm
Thank you.
I know you wrote this for many like me. But i have embraced it as though you took time to make these points just for me.
Again thank you.
Vanto
Comment by Vanto Vanto on June 24, 2010 at 12:59pm
Thank you.
I know you wrote this for many like me. But i have embraced it as though you took time to make these points just for me.
Again thank you.
Vanto

Become an affiliate of the Happily Divorced! book and audio program! Let Reformed "Killer" Divorce Attorney, Cynthia Tiano, and Dr. Max Vogt, Marriage and Family Psychologist, take you on an adventure into the lives of two families going through the divorce legal system - one doing "legal battle" and the other creating a "peaceful divorce". Learn how to create a Win-Win from their experiences... HappilyDivorced.org


Events

Latest Activity

Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

What Is a Caucus?

One of the guiding values in mediation and collaborative law is transparency. It comes with the territory when one is trying to establish trust with two different parties. Sometimes an issue may arise that one party may wish not to discuss in front of the other. If they both agree, separate meetings may take place. These meetings are called caucuses.Caucuses can be…See More
Oct 22
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

How Important Is the Budget in Divorce Planning?

I think everyone’s least favorite word is BUDGET. Why don’t we want to hear that word? Think about it: We’re asking ourselves to do something we don’t want to do — or worse yet, someone else is asking us to do it. While we might not like them, having a budget does help. In divorce planning — whether you are going to litigation,…See More
Sep 18
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

21st Century Parenting Plans

I remember when the default custody arrangement had one parent as the custodial parent, and the other parent was known as the “Disneyland parent.” They had their children every other weekend, and maybe once during the week for dinner. Today it is more common to see joint parenting time consist of one week on, and one week off or “two-two-five-five” time,…See More
Aug 15
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Including a Financial Professional in Your Mediation

Very often, couples who are divorcing amicably, or who have straightforward financial situations, will forgo meeting with a financial professional while they go through mediation. Though this may seem logical on its face, “going it alone” may result in unnecessary hardship and inaccurate calculations.  It is easy to simply look at a tax table today and say “I am going…See More
Jul 30
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

What About the House?

Going through divorce means dealing with hundreds of details, some more important than others. One detail that merits extra contemplation is how to deal with the marital home.Does one spouse want to keep it because the children still live there? You don't want to disrupt their lives any more than is already happening. What if the children are grown? Do you still need that much of a house?Here are the three most common means of dealing with the house in divorce:Selling the house and dividing the…See More
Apr 24

Badge

Loading…

About

© 2019   Created by Cynthia Tiano, Esq..   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service