Peaceful Divorce

Thanks to member Krista Barth, Esq. who has provided this valuable message about how to create and maintain a peaceful divorce when you are a parent.

As a divorce attorney who has been through it myself, a peaceful divorce starts when people do the following:

1. Accept the part you each played in the failure of the marriage (even if the only fault was "picking the wrong partner for your needs.")

2. Lower your expectations of each other; after all, if your spouse didn't do certain things WHILE you were married, don't expect it now. You will only be disappointed and frustrated.

3. Remember, once upon a time you loved this person. What was it you loved? Especially when there are children involved, let whatever you loved the most be your mantra when speaking of your spouse. No exceptions to this rule, as children have big ears. As my mother would say, if you don't have anything nice
to say, don't say anything at all!

4. Don't let the lawyers create unnecessary hostility. You are the one who controls the process. How you handle your divorce and treat your spouse and children will have long-lasting ramifications. Do you want to sit on the same side of the room when your child gets married?

5. Find happiness, move on and allow your spouse to do the same. As for new spouses, remember children don't suffer from too many people loving them and you would rather have the new spouse/partner in the game than watching from the sidelines. Family is what you make of it. It takes a village, as they say.

6. Remember your priorities. Love your children more than you dislike your spouse and act accordingly.

7. Remember litigation is a luxury, not a necessity. Fighting is expensive. Letters back and forth over what little Johnny had for lunch are a waste of resources. The money you spend could pay for something really important like your children's education instead of a new car for your lawyer!

8. Realize no one knows your children better than you and your spouse. Do you really want a stranger deciding their future and yours? It is the biggest gamble you will ever take.

9. Choose your battles; there will be disagreements, just as if you were still together. Talk them out and realize communication is important even though you are not together anymore, maybe more so.

10. Remember, life is short, how much of it do you want to spend rehashing the past. Forgive each other and you will have a (mostly) peaceful divorce. I do!

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Comment by Vanto Vanto on June 24, 2010 at 1:01pm
Thank you.
I know you wrote this for many like me. But i have embraced it as though you took time to make these points just for me.
Again thank you.
Vanto
Comment by Vanto Vanto on June 24, 2010 at 12:59pm
Thank you.
I know you wrote this for many like me. But i have embraced it as though you took time to make these points just for me.
Again thank you.
Vanto

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