It seems to me that it is just too easy for couples contemplating divorce to fall into the adversarial system. Even those folks who start out with the intention of doing things peacefully get sucked into the system. I'm thinking about a couple I met with a few months ago who wanted to avoid a "war." We had an educational and philosophical discussion about marital dissolution and coparenting (they've got one young child). I heard from them very briefly over the course of a few months -- they were trying to come to agreements about as many things as possible -- and they both felt confident and comfortable. But now at least one has hired an attorney who subpoenaed my notes. During a brief conversation with the lawyer, I was told that my peaceful divorce concept sounds nice, but that's "not how these things work." Who's running the show? Who's advising the clients? Do families really understand that they have a choice?