Peaceful Divorce

Why do such a large percentage of people find it difficult to accept the lack of animosity we feel toward each other? So many feel that we should not talk, not smile at each other, not share a meal.

For example, I (briefly) dated a woman here in Santa Barbara, whom I will call Mary. Mary has two grown children and has been separated from her husband for over a decade. Mary and I had dated twice when she saw my (soontobeEx) wife, myself and a friend at a local jazz club.

I, being the (naive?) guy that I am, said hello to Mary and introduced her to my Ex. My Ex knew about Mary because we share news about who we are dating if appropriate. We're not obligated to share, but we don't feel compelled to hold back either.

The next day, I received a scathing email from Mary, denouncing me for introducing her to my Ex. She raved about how uncomfortable and awkward it was. The only uncomfortable one was her.

She assumed that my Ex and I were dating, still stuck on each other, whatever. In reality we had met to discuss some necessary business before attending a birthday party at the jazz club. The party was for a mutual friend, so we ate at a nearby restaurant and walked over together.

Mary just could not understand the possibility that my Ex and I are still friends and actually talk to each other, are polite to each other, and cheer each other on in our various endeavors.

Too bad for Mary. She and her husband aren't especially good friends, and Mary downgrades his character whenever possible.

Peer pressure by itself would cause us to hate each other. We don't.

Views: 9

Comment

You need to be a member of Peaceful Divorce to add comments!

Join Peaceful Divorce

Comment by Cynthia Tiano, Esq. on May 7, 2008 at 12:10pm
Thanks for bringing up and dealing with an issue that isn't really talked about. Of course we should continue to get along with our exes, and if we can be friends, all the better! It speaks to our character, and spiritual and emotional maturity. We'll just keep having to set the example for others, until being friends with our exes becomes the norm! In the meantime, if someone doesn't get it, next!

Become an affiliate of the Happily Divorced! book and audio program! Let Reformed "Killer" Divorce Attorney, Cynthia Tiano, and Dr. Max Vogt, Marriage and Family Psychologist, take you on an adventure into the lives of two families going through the divorce legal system - one doing "legal battle" and the other creating a "peaceful divorce". Learn how to create a Win-Win from their experiences... HappilyDivorced.org


Events

Latest Activity

Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

21st Century Parenting Plans

I remember when the default custody arrangement had one parent as the custodial parent, and the other parent was known as the “Disneyland parent.” They had their children every other weekend, and maybe once during the week for dinner. Today it is more common to see joint parenting time consist of one week on, and one week off or “two-two-five-five” time,…See More
Aug 15
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Including a Financial Professional in Your Mediation

Very often, couples who are divorcing amicably, or who have straightforward financial situations, will forgo meeting with a financial professional while they go through mediation. Though this may seem logical on its face, “going it alone” may result in unnecessary hardship and inaccurate calculations.  It is easy to simply look at a tax table today and say “I am going…See More
Jul 30
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

What About the House?

Going through divorce means dealing with hundreds of details, some more important than others. One detail that merits extra contemplation is how to deal with the marital home.Does one spouse want to keep it because the children still live there? You don't want to disrupt their lives any more than is already happening. What if the children are grown? Do you still need that much of a house?Here are the three most common means of dealing with the house in divorce:Selling the house and dividing the…See More
Apr 24

Badge

Loading…

About

© 2019   Created by Cynthia Tiano, Esq..   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service