Peaceful Divorce

Cindy Harari's Blog (16)

10 Simple Communication Ideas for Parents

1. Whenever possible, communicate in writing. Writing gives you the opportunity to clarify your thoughts and express yourself clearly. Also, in the event of a misunderstanding, everyone can go back and look at what is written. E-mails and faxes have the advantage of having a date and time embedded as well.



2. Stick to child-focused issues and keep your communication informative, not emotional.



3. Keep your communication clear. Use bullet points or numbers rather than… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on June 7, 2011 at 6:30pm — 2 Comments

The Power of One: Positive Parenting and Personal Growth During and After Divorce

Having a former spouse or co-parent who is not "on the same page" is one of many challenges during or after divorce. You can stay stuck in a place where you say: "he/she doesn't get it, will never get it, won't do it any other way" or take this time in your life as an opportunity to start doing things differently by shifting the focus to you.



When you say or do something, you cause a response or reaction. If you change the way you say or do things, you cause a change in the response… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on March 22, 2011 at 2:19pm — No Comments

Starting Mediation After You Have Already Started Litigating Your Divorce Is Like Trying To Put A Fire Out After You Have Drenched It With Gasoline!*

Nothing about divorce is easy. Divorcing couples feel confused, stressed, angry and fearful. Their emotions are ignited and may seem out of control. But how the divorce evolves is in your hands and will affect you for years to come. Divorcing couples who start by litigating usually become more entrenched in their positions, more distrustful and more acrimonious because litigation fuels the fire by pitting one family member against the other! Starting mediation after you have already started…

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Added by Cindy Harari on January 16, 2011 at 1:30pm — No Comments

Ten Tips for Separated and Divorced Families for the Holidays

The following list is an excerpt from the book Kids First: What Kids Want Grown-ups to Know about Divorce and Separation, created by the children who attend divorce support groups at the Kids First Center in Portland, Maine and by Peg Libby,…

Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on December 2, 2010 at 9:00am — No Comments

Is Online Divorce Filing A Sign of Economic Recovery?

Thank you to Peaceful Divorce member Lisa Decker for sharing the following timely information:
DivorceToday.com, a national provider of online divorce forms, reports that in 2010, increasing numbers of Americans turned to the Internet to file a divorce. This may be good news for the economy. According to economic experts, during times of acute economic distress, many people are deterred by financial insecurity from filing for divorce, which they delay until they feel more…
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Added by Cindy Harari on November 3, 2010 at 1:00pm — No Comments

Back to School for Children is an Opportunity for Parents to Communicate Better

Beginning the school year can be stressful as the lazy days of summer give way to a more rigorous schedule. The hectic pace of school, extracurricular activities and parental work schedules is especially challenging for divorced families where children shuttle between two homes.…

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Added by Cindy Harari on August 24, 2010 at 4:30pm — 1 Comment

July is Child-Centered Divorce Month -- It's Time for Peaceful Divorce!

Picture this: you’re getting divorced and you’re angry, resentful, hurt, or any combination of other painful emotions. You want to lash out at, or maybe get back at your (soon to be former) spouse. Hiring the most aggressive divorce lawyer you can find seems like your smartest choice. You are gearing up for a fight! But stop. Think...…



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Added by Cindy Harari on June 30, 2010 at 9:30pm — 5 Comments

Parents & Divorce: "We need to talk."

If you are a separated or divorced parent, you need to communicate with your child’s other parent. Even though you are no longer living together, and, in some cases, especially because you are no longer living together, conflicts about your children (minor ones and major ones) may arise with greater frequency.



What do you do? Hopefully, you calmly discuss and resolve issues such as pick-ups and drop-offs, schedule changes, money, extracurricular activities, and family matters… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on October 29, 2009 at 4:30pm — No Comments

New Florida Statute Provides Help For Families During & After Divorce

Current research indicates that one of the most reliable predictors of a child's success after their parents' separation and divorce is how well their parents get along. However, most separated or divorced parents find it quite challenging to peacefully reach common ground with their child's other parent.



Often, despite parents' best efforts to protect them, children see too much, hear too much and feel their parents' simmering anger. Some children get a stomach ache every time they… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on July 15, 2009 at 11:20am — 1 Comment

Top 10 Tips for Creating a Parenting Plan*

Separated, divorced and never-married parents often face the daunting task of creating a parenting plan for their children. Where do they start? Here is some straightforward, expert advice from the Florida AFCC Parenting Plans Taskforce to help the entire family through this very important process.



1. There Is No “One Size Fits All” Parenting Plan --
Parenting plans should be constructed to meet the unique needs of each family and each family member.



2.… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on April 29, 2009 at 3:00pm — No Comments

Responsibility

Peaceful Divorce member Michael Mastracci's recent email included the following insightful message:



Spiritual Laws to Help With Divorce -- Responsibility



When going through a divorce, the desire to lay blame is strong, and of course, natural. But in order to learn and grow from the situation, and truly heal, we need to look inside of ourselves. When we can ask ourselves what our contributions to the situation have been, then we’re ready to take an honest look at… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on April 10, 2009 at 3:00pm — No Comments

What's Your Co-Parenting Style? Cooperative, Parallel or Somewhere In-Between?

One of many difficult things parents must do during and after their divorce is deal with their child(ren)'s other parent. While some aspects of "the deal" are spelled out in documents such as temporary or permanent court orders or final marital settlement agreements, most of the "parenting" details are not explicitly written down.



For example, a document provides that the child(ren) are to spend every Tuesday night and alternating weekends with Parent A. In most instances, an… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on April 9, 2009 at 1:00pm — No Comments

A Bill of Rights for Separated & Divorced Parents

Do you think there is (or should be) a Bill of Rights for Separated & Divorced Parents? Peaceful Divorce member Rosalind Sedacca provides a wealth of resources regarding child-centered divorce, and shares her thoughtful commentary on this 12-point list that was published on the internet:



1) The right to feel and express love and affection for your children. Rosalind Sedacca: No one should deny you this right or your children the right to benefit… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on January 12, 2009 at 4:30pm — No Comments

Ten Tips for Separated and Divorced Families for the Holidays

The following timely article appears in the online publication of The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), an international organization dedicated to resolution of family conflict. It was written by Peg Libby, Executive Director, Kids First Center, Portland, Maine.



Here is an excerpt from the Holidays and Celebrations chapter of our new book, Kids First: What Kids Want Grown-ups to Know about Divorce and Separation.



1. Plan, plan,…
Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on December 4, 2008 at 9:30am — No Comments

Peaceful Divorce and Happy Holidays

Tonight at sundown begins the Jewish New Year 5769. For some reason, this year this time of reflection has brought me back to the beginning of the year 5757. That year was significant to me back then – probably because my birth year is 1957, so the double “57s” were cool. It was 12 years ago – 1996. Where was I then compared to where I am now?



More specifically, I’ve been thinking about how and where my (then-divorcing) family was then and looking at what’s happening… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on September 29, 2008 at 4:48pm — 1 Comment

How Do We Get The Peaceful Divorce Message Out?

It seems to me that it is just too easy for couples contemplating divorce to fall into the adversarial system. Even those folks who start out with the intention of doing things peacefully get sucked into the system. I'm thinking about a couple I met with a few months ago who wanted to avoid a "war." We had an educational and philosophical discussion about marital dissolution and coparenting (they've got one young child). I heard from them very briefly over the course of a few months -- they… Continue

Added by Cindy Harari on August 14, 2008 at 6:00pm — 1 Comment

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Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

21st Century Parenting Plans

I remember when the default custody arrangement had one parent as the custodial parent, and the other parent was known as the “Disneyland parent.” They had their children every other weekend, and maybe once during the week for dinner. Today it is more common to see joint parenting time consist of one week on, and one week off or “two-two-five-five” time,…See More
Aug 15
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Including a Financial Professional in Your Mediation

Very often, couples who are divorcing amicably, or who have straightforward financial situations, will forgo meeting with a financial professional while they go through mediation. Though this may seem logical on its face, “going it alone” may result in unnecessary hardship and inaccurate calculations.  It is easy to simply look at a tax table today and say “I am going…See More
Jul 30
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

What About the House?

Going through divorce means dealing with hundreds of details, some more important than others. One detail that merits extra contemplation is how to deal with the marital home.Does one spouse want to keep it because the children still live there? You don't want to disrupt their lives any more than is already happening. What if the children are grown? Do you still need that much of a house?Here are the three most common means of dealing with the house in divorce:Selling the house and dividing the…See More
Apr 24
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Child Support for Special Needs Children

We know that the divorce rate among all couples is about 50%, but there is no question that divorce rates are even higher among parents of children with special needs.Below is an article that was written by Dr. Howard Drutman and Marsha Schechtman, LCSW. In this article, they talk about the considerations that must be understood about the special needs child. In addition to their information, we also have to think…See More
Mar 28
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

An Email From the IRS? Don't Believe It

Scam artists have developed a new tactic in cheating taxpayers out of their hard-earned money.Transcript fraud is when taxpayers are lured into opening an attachment that is supposed to be their tax transcript. In fact, the attachment contains malware that will intercept all of your outgoing data, with the intent of capturing account numbers. From there, the thieves withdraw the money and the taxpayer is left without…See More
Feb 21
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

2018 Taxes & Divorce: There Is Still Time

If you are getting divorced or just got divorced the last thing on your mind is taxes. It is important to remember that if you got divorced anytime in 2018 (even Dec. 31, 2018), you will be considered divorced for the whole year of 2018. What does that mean for taxes?It could mean a higher tax bill than you thought.  If you are receiving alimony this year it will be taxable to you.  If you are…See More
Dec 28, 2018
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Tax Tips for the Recently Divorced

We are only 4 weeks away from the end of the year. What does that mean for people who have gotten divorced in 2018?It means you have to get ready to file your tax returns for the year ending 2018 by April 15, 2019, or else extend it. Remember, just because you extend it, you still have to pay any tax that you owe by April 15, 2019.If you got divorced in 2017, here are some items you need to think about for tax…See More
Dec 12, 2018
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

An Elegant Solution: The Child Support Account

Today I’m pleased to bring you a special guest blog written by my colleague Steve Erickson. In his 35 years of experience, Steve has come up with a novel approach to child support that shifts couples away from being adversarial and toward collaboration. This method is called the Child Support Account, and it was originally proposed…See More
Nov 15, 2018
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Withholding: A Down Payment, not a Tax

In my experience, many people do not know the difference between the withholding amount (the taxes deducted on your pay stub) and their tax liability. All they know is that they don’t have the money. They think they’re square with the government, and are surprised if they owe any amount on top of what was withheld. That’s why I thought it would be useful to review the…See More
Oct 25, 2018
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Divorce & Support Payments – When Can You Use it to Qualify for a Mortgage?

One of the things I have learned over the years is that we cannot be a Jack-of-all-trades and a master-of-none. In today’s ever-changing world, we need to have connections with professionals in other disciplines and specialities. This is especially true with divorce professionals. I think it is important that practitioners have a network of specialists on which to draw. Today I am going to do just…See More
Oct 4, 2018
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Projecting Your 2018 Taxes

Have you thought about doing a tax projection for 2018?Obviously, this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. However, no one wants to be surprised around tax time. Here’s why you should get a head start on knowing the new tax law and how it will affect you and/or your business in the coming tax year.We are seven months into the New Year. You may not be aware that we have a new tax law that went into effect on December 22, 2017, or that most of the provisions took effect on January 1, 2018.Here are some…See More
Aug 23, 2018
Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Mediators: The Swiss Army Knife of Divorce

Today I’m featuring an article by a colleague of mine named Martin Kranitz. Martin, a mediator in Maryland, has obtained certification from the Maryland Council for Dispute Resolution, one of the first organizations to provide mediator certification based on demonstrated performance rather than just education and mediation courses taken.  In this piece, Martin discusses one of the many functions a mediator can play,…See More
Jul 12, 2018

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