1. Whenever possible, communicate in writing. Writing gives you the opportunity to clarify your thoughts and express yourself clearly. Also, in the event of a misunderstanding, everyone can go back and look at what is written. E-mails and faxes have the advantage of having a date and time embedded as well.
2. Stick to child-focused issues and keep your communication informative, not emotional.
3. Keep your communication clear. Use bullet points or numbers rather than… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on June 7, 2011 at 6:30pm —
Having a former spouse or co-parent who is not "on the same page" is one of many challenges during or after divorce. You can stay stuck in a place where you say: "he/she doesn't get it, will never get it, won't do it any other way" or take this time in your life as an opportunity to start doing things differently by shifting the focus to you.
When you say or do something, you cause a response or reaction. If you change the way you say or do things, you cause a change in the response… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on March 22, 2011 at 2:19pm —
Nothing about divorce is easy. Divorcing couples feel confused, stressed, angry and fearful. Their emotions are ignited and may seem out of control. But how the divorce evolves is in your hands and will affect you for years to come. Divorcing couples who start by litigating usually become more entrenched in their positions, more distrustful and more acrimonious because litigation fuels the fire by pitting one family member against the other! Starting mediation after you have already started… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on January 16, 2011 at 1:30pm —
The following list is an excerpt from the book Kids First: What Kids Want Grown-ups to Know about Divorce and Separation, created by the children who attend divorce support groups at the Kids First Center in Portland, Maine and by Peg Libby,… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on December 2, 2010 at 9:00am —
Thank you to Peaceful Divorce member Lisa Decker for sharing the following timely information:
DivorceToday.com, a national provider of online divorce forms, reports that in 2010, increasing numbers of Americans turned to the Internet to file a divorce. This may be good news for the economy. According to economic experts, during times of acute economic distress, many people are deterred by financial insecurity from filing for divorce, which they delay until they feel more… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on November 3, 2010 at 1:00pm —
Beginning the school year can be stressful as the lazy days of summer give way to a more rigorous schedule. The hectic pace of school, extracurricular activities and parental work schedules is especially challenging for divorced families where children shuttle between two homes.… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on August 24, 2010 at 4:30pm —
Picture this: you’re getting divorced and you’re angry, resentful, hurt, or any combination of other painful emotions. You want to lash out at, or maybe get back at your (soon to be former) spouse. Hiring the most aggressive divorce lawyer you can find seems like your smartest choice. You are gearing up for a fight! But stop. Think...…
Added by Cindy Harari on June 30, 2010 at 9:30pm —
If you are a separated or divorced parent, you need to communicate with your child’s other parent. Even though you are no longer living together, and, in some cases, especially
because you are no longer living together, conflicts about your children (minor ones and major ones) may arise with greater frequency.
What do you do? Hopefully, you calmly discuss and resolve issues such as pick-ups and drop-offs, schedule changes, money, extracurricular activities, and family matters… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on October 29, 2009 at 4:30pm —
Current research indicates that one of the most reliable predictors of a child's success after their parents' separation and divorce is how well their parents get along. However, most separated or divorced parents find it quite challenging to peacefully reach common ground with their child's other parent.
Often, despite parents' best efforts to protect them, children see too much, hear too much and feel their parents' simmering anger. Some children get a stomach ache every time they… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on July 15, 2009 at 11:20am —
Separated, divorced and never-married parents often face the daunting task of creating a parenting plan for their children. Where do they start? Here is some straightforward, expert advice from the Florida AFCC Parenting Plans Taskforce to help the entire family through this very important process.
1. There Is No “One Size Fits All” Parenting Plan
Parenting plans should be constructed to meet the unique needs of each family and each family member.
Added by Cindy Harari on April 29, 2009 at 3:00pm —
Peaceful Divorce member Michael Mastracci'
s recent email included the following insightful message:
Spiritual Laws to Help With Divorce -- Responsibility
When going through a divorce, the desire to lay blame is strong, and of course, natural. But in order to learn and grow from the situation, and truly heal, we need to look inside of ourselves. When we can ask ourselves what our contributions to the situation have been, then we’re ready to take an honest look at… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on April 10, 2009 at 3:00pm —
One of many difficult things parents must do during and after their divorce is deal with their child(ren)'s other parent. While some aspects of "the deal" are spelled out in documents such as temporary or permanent court orders or final marital settlement agreements, most of the "parenting" details are not explicitly written down.
For example, a document provides that the child(ren) are to spend every Tuesday night and alternating weekends with Parent A. In most instances, an… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on April 9, 2009 at 1:00pm —
Do you think there is (or should be) a Bill of Rights for Separated & Divorced Parents?
Peaceful Divorce member Rosalind Sedacca
provides a wealth of resources regarding child-centered divorce, and shares her thoughtful commentary on this 12-point list that was published on the internet:
1) The right to feel and express love and affection for your children
. Rosalind Sedacca:
No one should deny you this right or your children the right to benefit… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on January 12, 2009 at 4:30pm —
The following timely article appears in the online publication of The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), an international organization dedicated to resolution of family conflict. It was written by Peg Libby, Executive Director, Kids First Center, Portland, Maine.
Here is an excerpt from the Holidays and Celebrations chapter of our new book, Kids First: What Kids Want Grown-ups to Know about Divorce and Separation.
1. Plan, plan,… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on December 4, 2008 at 9:30am —
Tonight at sundown begins the Jewish New Year 5769. For some reason, this year this time of reflection has brought me back to the beginning of the year 5757. That year was significant to me back then – probably because my birth year is 1957, so the double “57s” were cool. It was 12 years ago – 1996. Where was I then compared to where I am now?
More specifically, I’ve been thinking about how and where my (then-divorcing) family was then and looking at what’s happening… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on September 29, 2008 at 4:48pm —
It seems to me that it is just too easy for couples contemplating divorce to fall into the adversarial system. Even those folks who start out with the intention of doing things peacefully get sucked into the system. I'm thinking about a couple I met with a few months ago who wanted to avoid a "war." We had an educational and philosophical discussion about marital dissolution and coparenting (they've got one young child). I heard from them very briefly over the course of a few months -- they… Continue
Added by Cindy Harari on August 14, 2008 at 6:00pm —