I am a divorce mediator, licensed mental health counselor, parenting coordinator and Reiki Master. I also am a member of various collaborative law associations. I utilize my skills to assist couples in creating a peaceful divorce while focusing on the best interest of their children.
Since I find the team approach most useful in creating a peaceful divorce, I favor co-mediation with an attorney mediator or collaborative law utilizing a team committed to the peaceful settlement process.
After much thought I wanted to send you this response.
I have been working with my own counselor/coach to deal with my feelings and to go through the stages of anger,upset, resentment, etc with her at an accelerated pace. I have finally arrived at an inner peaceful place. I am fortunate to have such an excellent coach at my disposal.
Your response to me was not the one I had wanted. All I had wanted was to be listened to and to be received. If you had any suggestions, you could have asked me if I was receptive to hearing any suggestions. That is basically the initial step in working with anyone who is upset. You listen and just receive them so they feel seen, heard, and respected. If you want to go further with that person, it is appropriate to ask for permission to take the next step. Taking the step without persmission is an intrusion and is met with understandable resistance. This happens many times in mediations and it creates more positionality and longer more drawn out mediations. It also happens with parents and children. Parents offering unsolicited advise to children who just want to be heard. This is part of what I teach, practice, and use in my work as a counselor, mediator, parenting coordinator or coach. It is also why I said it is imperative to have a counselor as part of your new model. A counselor is trained to listen as a front line approach. Our training differs greatly from that of an attorney no matter how saavy in parenting they become. Hence, my recommendation as to a three pronged approach to divorce utilizing legal, counseling, and financial people all trained in their respective professions.
Hope this is understandable as well as useful to you.
I guess the reason I suggested these for you was because you seemed to be in pain over this new situation and I thought that something in these resources might be of help. Also, you stated that you have lost respect for him as a father. It is my belief that you continue to co-parent for a lifetime, and this is now an unresolved issue between the two of you, not just between your son and his Dad.
You may want to consider looking into Carolyn Ellis' book, which you can find the link to on her page. That book specifically deals with how to work through times when your children have issues with the other parent.
All of my suggestions are made with love and a true desire to help.
I'm glad you shared this with me. I believe that you have great resources right here to help with your situation.
I think that it would be of great benefit to you to listen to Susan Allan's teleseminar, The Heartspace System, which you can find on the main page here in the music player.
Another great resource (and a much shorter one - it's only 2 minutes!) is Dr. Max's video "Ex Not On Board", which you can find under videos here.
Finally, another of our members, Carolyn Ellis' amazing book, "The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting" has a chapter on your children's relationship with your co-parent. I think you would find that really helpful.
All of these resources, I believe, will be of great help to you with the situation you now face. Why don't you take a bit of time and check them out?
I would love for you to do a blog post on the transformation and healing of your relationship with your co-parent. Just a few paragraphs would be great! It would really be an inspiration to those who find themselves feeling hopeless about their own situations, and it can be the start of your book!
It was so great to get together with you today! We are looking forward to you sharing some of your wisdom and experience to our community through your writings! Thanks for being a part of this amazing movement, whose time is now!
Welcome to Peaceful Divorce. We are happy to have you here. Please weigh in on our forum discussions, and give us the benefit of your experience and wisdom! Also, feel free to invite others whom you feel could benefit from this site, or add to it, or both!
Become an affiliate of the Happily Divorced! book and audio program! Let Reformed "Killer" Divorce Attorney, Cynthia Tiano, and Dr. Max Vogt, Marriage and Family Psychologist, take you on an adventure into the lives of two families going through the divorce legal system - one doing "legal battle" and the other creating a "peaceful divorce". Learn how to create a Win-Win from their experiences... HappilyDivorced.org
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