Kevin Bourke's Page

Why do such a large percentage of people find it difficult to accept the lack of animosity we feel toward each other? So many feel that we should not talk, not smile at each other, not share a meal.

For example, I (briefly) dated a woman here in Santa Barbara, whom I will call Mary. Mary has two grown children and has been separated from her husband for over a decade. Mary and I had dated twice when she saw my (soontobeEx) wife, myself and a friend at a local jazz club.

I, being the (naive?) g… Continue

Why not continue to honor her even though we are no longer compatible as marriage partners?

Why give her less honor than I would give any woman in any situation just because I happened to have been married to her?

In fact, to honor her less would be an insult to my own ability to select a marriage mate in the beginning. Perhaps she was the perfect choice for me at the time but is no longer.

I choose to honor her as a I would any person, and to honor her so as to serve as an example to my chil… Continue

I find that objectively looking at what is best for the children causes me to set aside my pride and sense of entitlement and accept a situation that otherwise might cause me to retaliate in anger.

Remembering that the unkind things that my partner occasionally says are a byproduct of the stress she is feeling and not indicative of who I really am as a person, helps me take things in stride. Her opinion is skewed by her current emotional state, not necessarily by any legitimate objections about… Continue

We all have experienced the pain of hearing that someone, perhaps even a close friend, has said something negative about our character, appearance, family, etc.

It also seems that often those comments have been taken out of context, exaggerated, or even completely fabricated. Nevertheless, it hurts to hear that others think poorly of us. And if indeed someone did deliberately defame us, that is especially painful.

Why say anything about our ex-partner that could be construed as negative or har… Continue