Peaceful Divorce

Kevin Bourke
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About Me:
I've been separated for over 6 months. So far, it's been peaceful. Next step is divorce. We both want to place the kids interests first. I've been managing investments for individuals and institutions since 1987. I hold the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Certified Financial Planner, and Chartered Financial Consultant designations.

Kevin Bourke's Blog

Peer Pressure

Why do such a large percentage of people find it difficult to accept the lack of animosity we feel toward each other? So many feel that we should not talk, not smile at each other, not share a meal.

For example, I (briefly) dated a woman here in Santa Barbara, whom I will call Mary. Mary has two grown children and has been separated from her husband for over a decade. Mary and I had dated twice when she saw my (soontobeEx) wife, myself and a friend at a local jazz club.

I,… Continue

Posted on May 6, 2008 at 6:30pm — 1 Comment

Honor Your Ex

Why not continue to honor her even though we are no longer compatible as marriage partners?

Why give her less honor than I would give any woman in any situation just because I happened to have been married to her?

In fact, to honor her less would be an insult to my own ability to select a marriage mate in the beginning. Perhaps she was the perfect choice for me at the time but is no longer.

I choose to honor her as a I would any person, and to honor her so as to… Continue

Posted on May 5, 2008 at 10:46pm — 1 Comment

Let It Slide

I find that objectively looking at what is best for the children causes me to set aside my pride and sense of entitlement and accept a situation that otherwise might cause me to retaliate in anger.

Remembering that the unkind things that my partner occasionally says are a byproduct of the stress she is feeling and not indicative of who I really am as a person, helps me take things in stride. Her opinion is skewed by her current emotional state, not necessarily by any legitimate… Continue

Posted on May 5, 2008 at 10:30pm — 1 Comment

Don't Bad Mouth Your Ex or SoonToBe Ex

We all have experienced the pain of hearing that someone, perhaps even a close friend, has said something negative about our character, appearance, family, etc.

It also seems that often those comments have been taken out of context, exaggerated, or even completely fabricated. Nevertheless, it hurts to hear that others think poorly of us. And if indeed someone did deliberately defame us, that is especially painful.

Why say anything about our ex-partner that could be… Continue

Posted on May 5, 2008 at 2:40pm — 1 Comment

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At 10:45pm on August 11, 2008, Cynthia Tiano, Esq. said…
Hey Kevin -

How are you? I wanted to touch base and see what great things you are up to!

At 9:19pm on June 2, 2008, Cynthia Tiano, Esq. said…
Hi Kevin -

Thanks so much for that amazing article on How To Get A (Peaceful) Divorce! It's so great that you are helping in such a big way to get the message out!

Please let me know if I may share this with our members in a broadcast message!

At 2:21pm on May 5, 2008, Cynthia Tiano, Esq. said…
Hi Kevin -

Welcome to Peaceful Divorce! We are glad to have you here!
Good for you for being committed to making your divorce a peaceful process.

I would love it if you would take the piece you did for Susan Allan on peaceful divorce and add it as a blog post here. It was really great!

Let me know if I can be of any help and please feel free to check out the resources here, and participate in the forum discussions!

Cynthia Tiano, Esq.
"The Mediator"

Become an affiliate of the Happily Divorced! book and audio program! Let Reformed "Killer" Divorce Attorney, Cynthia Tiano, and Dr. Max Vogt, Marriage and Family Psychologist, take you on an adventure into the lives of two families going through the divorce legal system - one doing "legal battle" and the other creating a "peaceful divorce". Learn how to create a Win-Win from their experiences...


Latest Activity

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What Is a Caucus?

One of the guiding values in mediation and collaborative law is transparency. It comes with the territory when one is trying to establish trust with two different parties. Sometimes an issue may arise that one party may wish not to discuss in front of the other. If they both agree, separate meetings may take place. These meetings are called caucuses.Caucuses can be…See More
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Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

How Important Is the Budget in Divorce Planning?

I think everyone’s least favorite word is BUDGET. Why don’t we want to hear that word? Think about it: We’re asking ourselves to do something we don’t want to do — or worse yet, someone else is asking us to do it. While we might not like them, having a budget does help. In divorce planning — whether you are going to litigation,…See More
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Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

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I remember when the default custody arrangement had one parent as the custodial parent, and the other parent was known as the “Disneyland parent.” They had their children every other weekend, and maybe once during the week for dinner. Today it is more common to see joint parenting time consist of one week on, and one week off or “two-two-five-five” time,…See More
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Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

Including a Financial Professional in Your Mediation

Very often, couples who are divorcing amicably, or who have straightforward financial situations, will forgo meeting with a financial professional while they go through mediation. Though this may seem logical on its face, “going it alone” may result in unnecessary hardship and inaccurate calculations.  It is easy to simply look at a tax table today and say “I am going…See More
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Robert D. Bordett, CFP, CDFA posted a blog post

What About the House?

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