What About the House?
Going through divorce means dealing with hundreds of details, some more important than others. One detail that merits extra contemplation is how to deal with the marital home.Does one spouse want to keep it because the children still live there? You don't want to disrupt their lives any more than is already happening. What if the children are grown? Do you still need that much of a house?Here are the three most common means of dealing with the house in divorce:Selling the house and dividing the…See More
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Hi Cynthia,
Thank you for your kind comment and suggestion. I have edited the blog post and please feel free to feature it on the main page. I look forward to meeting.
Len Nassi, CFP, CDFA
Len
Let me know how I can contribute to your work. Noble.
I am a child psychiatrist and like you worked in the courts, in my case as an expert witness in New York.
My book, The Intelligent Divorce, is the first of a three part series, in which I guide parents through divorce with their eye always on the kids. This book deals with taking care of children. The next one is about self care in divorce and the third is about managing the power struggles with a difficult ex spouse. I am having fun writing all this stuff after doing this work for twenty years!
If you would like a copy of the book, let me know.
I would appreciate your take on it.
We are contributing to a new approach to divorce. Thank God.
There will always be power struggles (they are in marriage as well), but they can be managed and not heightened. This is the peaceful divorce.
ps: I call it The Intelligent Divorce because peace is asking a lot. ;)
Thanks for the post. I am a divorce attorney and mediator in Weston, Florida. Began receiving your emails a few months ago and I am very interested in the Peaceful Divorce process. I'm a member of the collaborative lawyers and believe in that model, but it is not for everyone and some clients do not feel comfortable committing to it. I would love to connect and learn more about what you do.
I have been through a TransParenting (what it is called in our area) class that was mandated by our court system. Currently my husband and I are in mediation. It seems to be going very slowly. I love the idea of transparenting but then I look at who I am dealing with and it just fills me with dread. We have (against my better judgement) agreed to 50/50 parenting...one week with me, one week with him. Our oldest daughter (15 1/2) doesn't like it at all and is afraid her life will change drastically. I told her it shouldn't be any different than what her life is now except of where she will sleep. Our youngest daughter (12) is fine with it and actually wanted it that way.
Now, I am concerned about the financial aspect of everything. He has always paid all bills relating to the house and I have always paid bills pertaining to medical, vehicles and maintenance of the girls and I. I have always had a 401K and as far as I know he has no type of savings whatsoever. Knowing how he is about always coming out on top in situations like this...I want to be sure everything is done fairly. He is a realtor by profession. I am an administrative assistant. I am not looking to be vindictive but since he isn't willing to relinquish the house (says he can't afford to go out and get another one) I feel I am left to do so. As of now, we are currently in the same house which isn't doing anyone (especially the girls and I) any good. I have never been a vindictive person and don't plan on starting now. We both have secured seperate legal counsel but everytime I call with a question I see $$ signs going out the window...it is unreal!
One question I do have is this...in our state (IN) everything is 50/50 so where does the responsibility of bills end? From the date I filed? or is he able to go out and wrack up credit card bills in expectations of me having to pay 1/2?
Any help or direction you could give me would be greatly appreciated.Delete Comment
My piece to the peaceful divorce puzzle is helping individuals explore their childhood experiences and relationships and how they use these to select a partner. Looking at their attempt to repeat what is familiar to them, or attempt repairing what is familiar but not satisfying, can be life changing. I have seen the anger decrease between partners when each realizes that their being together was not a chance happening. Understanding this process can produce compassion for each partner's struggle taking blame away. This is a difficult process. Some partners would rather blame and stay angry. Those who can look at themselves will grow, change and look at divorce as an opportunity.
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