Which Piece of the Peaceful Divorce Puzzle Do You Have?

[Cynthia Tiano, Esq.]

Every member of this site has their own unique message around the issue of Peaceful Divorce. When we each share the piece that we have with one another, we can put the puzzle together! Please share with us what your mission and your message is!

[Rosalind Sedacca, CCT]

Hi Richard:

So good to see you here at Peaceful Divorce and glad you're sharing your wisdom with us. Having already spoken to you I know you are an asset to our group and a sincere advocate of positive outcomes for divorce.

I look forward to hearing more from you based on your years of experience.

Best regards,
Rosalind Sedacca
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce

[Cynthia Tiano, Esq.]

Roz -

Thank you so much for sending Richard to us. You are a very valuable asset to our peaceful divorce cause and we greatly appreciate you!

Cynthia

[Rory Godowsky]

My goal is to send the message to families and family lawyers that ending a marriage does not end a relationship. I have learned over the years that often the parties are not the problem, their lawyers create a war-like atmosphere. If more lawyers sent the message of peaceful divorce to their clients the healing could begin and the battles would end. I have worked in this field for many years and I believe that slowly the understanding is coming across that peace begins in the home and we as professionals must cultivate this peace not destroy it.

[Cindy Harari, Esq.]

So true, Richard. Only the lawyers seem to benefit from the divorce war since more fighting generates more fees. Is that what it's all about for the lawyers? I'm not so sure. I am seeing what you are -- more professionals are beginning to understand that there is a better way.

As you mentioned in an earlier post, education is key in so many ways. One missing link is co-parent education. No one needs any special training to be a parent and here (in Florida) divorcing parents are required to take only a 4-hour parenting class. It's challenging to be a parent in an "intact" family; even more so to be a divorced (single, re-married, or step) parent.

We have the opportunity to send the message -- families are forever. If divorce is inevitable, let's make it peaceful!

[Cynthia Tiano, Esq.]

Thank you Rory for that insightful post. It's exciting that we as divorce professionals are connecting to deliver the message of Peaceful Divorce!

[Rosalind Sedacca, CCT]

July, once again, is National Child-Centered Divorce Month. Let's take advantage of this opportunity to speak out in unison on this important topic. Let's make noise about the growing need for co-parent education and also appeal to all divorce professionals to join our campaign promoting the advantages of "peaceful divorce."

Please join me in planning our campaign in advance so we're prepared nation-wide to attract media attention to our purpose, while growing our numbers amongst all divorce professionals and related associations.

Contact me at [e-mail] to discuss all this in greater detail.

Rosalind

[Jeffrey Malone Master Spiritual Divorce Coach]

In order to change the hostile environment that accompanies diviorce or separation, anyone involved needs to feel that there is something better outside the relationship than existed inside the relationship. The lack of acceptance of what is leads to much of the frustration and the loss of possibility for so many in losing a partner . With a Spiritual Divorce, one sees the wisdom of the universe, creates a new and more inspiring and empowering possibility for themselves, and welcomes rather then resists the change inherent on separation and divorce. For many, accepting a relatonship is over is impossible so divorce becomes the battleground to hold on rather than healing and letting go. It is only when we realize we would never enter the relationship as it is and are attached to how it was that we can avoid the ugliness of a confrontational divorce. It is about healing the emotional wounds before you try to separate and not engaging in being right. When we give up the need to be right, divorce is easy and a natural path.

[Cynthia Tiano, Esq.]

Beautifully said Jeff.

Up until now the legal system did not recognize the need for emotional healing prior to divorce litigation. But that is all changing as we get the message of peaceful divorce out!

Thanks for all that you do.

Cynthia

[Marijo Jilek]

Hi Jeff...

I agree...Beautifully said! "Acceptance of what is"...I agree, is such a key! Continuously learning that myself. And the holding on to what you want...not seeing the bigger picture of what's past the relationship, and that's where the spiritual side of the person comes into play during all of this pain, and the degree to which they can lean on that to carry them through to the other side.

[Marijo Jilek]

My divorce was one where were were 'friends' who got married. We knew each other from high school, and afterwards lived together for 7 years , then my 'Southern Baptist' relatives were not happy about our 'living in sin')))...so we got married, and then divorced that same year.

He ended up having an affair with my best friend. I don't know if it's because we were friends and we loved each other once, or just the people we were, but we couldn't find it in our hearts to hate each other. We had the normal divorce phases of emotion that people go through, but in the end the love won out and not the anger turning into hate.

I know that it took a lot of work on myself to keep focused on the good in the other person and myself. I also knew the energy that was chewed up from living in the negative side of things and couldn't understand why anyone would want to stay there in that feeling when they could choose to be happy again. I know people find comfort in the anger, they get used to it and become addicted to it after a while and would rather stay there feeling their righteousness in being angry than moving on and moving through the pain.

I think people tend to feel that their partner can't move on from a 'love' relationship because they've entered into a marriage agreement, or even if they're not married that they have to stay once 'I Love You' was said. People change and grow...or don't change and grow...and that alone is a major cause of divorces, and I knew that if someone wanted to move on, it was their life and their decision, I could not make them love me no matter how I tried. That 'free will' thing we come here with.

I feel if the person is doing 'the work' on themselves, they are growing as a person, you can come through a divorce more loving and grow stronger than someone who is not. I worked as a court reporter for 27 years and couldn't stand listening to the divorces because of all the fighting and knit-picking, revenge and stupidity that was going on...such a toxic energy I couldn't sit in. I wanted to talk to the people at breaks, tell them what I knew, but as a court reporter I am to be impartial and not talk about such things...so chose not to listen to it instead.

Funny, I am married again, and my husband had what one attorney called 'the nastiest divorce he'd ever seen,' and they still don't talk to each other without the anger. In my divorce, I let my ex use my attorney because he couldn't afford one, and I paid all the bills outstanding, I had the money to do so, he didn't. Maybe I'm a pushover, as I was called by many...but I'd rather be that than live in the wasted energy of anger and hate.

My husband and I are SOOOO opposite...he's an ex cop, lieutenant, and I'm a throw-back hippie))))..and I've come to understand the reason for opposites attracting, the wonderful growth potential in such a relationship when a relationship is always being worked on to better itself...and that's what we're here for, to learn the lessons and grow in love and forgiveness.

(Some days I DO want to kill my man, it's NOT easy...but I think that's normal in the growth process...mine anyway!)))))

[Cynthia Tiano, Esq.]

Marijo - Thank you so much for that wonderful sharing. Your story may inspire others going through the process to follow your lead.

Cynthia

[Jeffrey Malone Master Spiritual Divorce Coach]

CK,'

You are a messenger of peace on earth and the Spiritual Divorce work you do is the key to healing the heart and opening to peace individually and on earth. Our outer world is only a reflection of our inner and the Collective Shadows manifesting in our culture shouts about the need for healing the heart and dealing with all that is denied and shut off in our humanity. All that is available in the Spiritual Divorce work we do. It is beautiful!