Every member of this site has their own unique message around the issue of Peaceful Divorce. When we each share the piece that we have with one another, we can put the puzzle together! Please share with us what your mission and your message is!
I love your forum post Laurie. That is exactly what is needed all across the board. As the momentum of this site continues to build, we will make a greater difference in the lives of those families who are in the crisis of divorce, and the positive effect on humanity as a whole will be exponential!
Thanks for helping to spread the message. Please feel free to let anyone you know who can assist us, or who needs our help, about our Peaceful Divorce site!
Hi everyone. First I feel honored to share a piece of puzzle with all of you who have higher qualifications and more experience than me. I'm really a "baby" in the field - ok, this is just to help me feel younger!!! :-) -
First I want to address the word "Divorce" and challenge the labels it bears. Divorce is seen as socially unacceptable; it translates a relationship failure and has many more stigma attached to it.
I have come to believe than one should approach a relationship bearing in mind that a future separation is a possibility.
A Divorce should then shift from being seen as a Problem to being a Solution.
It's all about emotional intelligence.
This should become a mandatory subject in schools by the way!
But knowing that we do not live in this perfect world, we have to remember that as Parents, we are role models! Nothing more, nothing less. You can't escape what you model for your children. We have a responsibility and children shouldn't pay for their parent's mistakes.
It's important that children remain the focus. A divorce changes a family, it does not end a family.
My mission is to bring in the awareness that we must not forget the responsibility with have towards our children and we must respect and allow them to love both parents...
My piece of a peaceful divorce is helping people who are going through divorce to become enlightened to the financial aspects of their lives as a couple and soon to be as individuals.
I bring a voice of reason and calm in emotionally charged situations and help to clarify the true picture of their future financial lives.
My aim is provide a fair and equitable division of assets and debts that leave both parties feeling that they got a fair shake in the divorce so they can move on to the next chapter of their lives without bitterness and regret.
Lisa, it’s been my experience that the financial piece is so intrinsically interwoven throughout the divorce process that a voice of wisdom such as yours is invaluable to families.
How many people do we know who have decided to “get divorced” and then spent tens of thousands of dollars (or more) and become frustrated because nothing is resolved satisfactorily within the adversarial system? The traditional divorce model serves to escalate anxiety, especially about money.
When children are involved, they may feel the “ripple effect” of their parents’ financial distress long after the divorce is “final.” We’ve all heard about the situations where one parent ends up with the money and the other without. Does that mean the parent with the money “won” the divorce? What message does this give to children? We know this imbalance is not necessary, and we know there is a better way.
Looking at the last few posts and considering divorce as a “solution” rather than a “problem” creates the ability to shift the paradigm and take a proactive approach. I believe we begin by educating both clients and other professionals about options to the traditional adversarial system and, as we provide the pieces of the puzzle, peaceful divorce will take shape.
It is just common sense that the peaceful way is the winning way for all the parties involved (except maybe the "shark" attorneys!). When each spouse feels that they have been heard and that they are getting a fair deal then they can move on with dignity. And it is even more important when there are children involved. Setting an example for their own children on how to resolve disputes in a peaceful manner will lead to much more happiness for everyone in the future and more money in their own pockets for a more prosperous future as well.
As a child psychologist, my piece to the puzzle is to help children of divorce find the silver lining. Divorce, like all lifes challenges, presents an opportunity for children and teens to stretch and grow. My mission is to empower children with the necessary psychological coping skills so that they can see the cookie jar as half full and turn those lemons into coolaide.
Kim, we are so happy to have you here! What an amazing convergence this peaceful divorce movement is!
It is inspiring to us divorce professionals, who may sometimes feel like we are trying to change the world on our own, to know that there are so many of us out there with the same intention and message.
Please feel free to connect with our other members, and to add to our voices here!
My piece of the peaceful divorce puzzle addresses something that society and our predecessors in divorce seem to have overlooked.
If we want to learn how to drive, we take lessons. It's the same with karate, dancing, golf, driving, breast feeding, etc.. There are even instructions and tips for learning how to sell a yo-yo on eBay.
But they never gave us any lessons on how to get divorced. No one tells us what to say and do (and not say and do!) if we hope to persuade our partner to agree to a peaceful, out-of-court settlement.
If society had never required driving instruction, we would have just experienced a century of unnecessary car wrecks. Without specific instruction on how to behave during one-on-one spousal settlement conversations, we have, in fact, already experienced a century of divorce wrecks/wars, many of which were likely unnecessary.
I have come across many newly revealed and effective things that divorcing spouses can now do to entice their spouses to join them in making their ordeal quicker, saner, and more affordable. I plan on sharing these insights with the group.
The more I learn is the more I realize that I need to learn, and whatever I have to offer is certainly far from complete.
I sincerely ask for and welcome any and all input.
So good to see you here at Peaceful Divorce and glad you're sharing your wisdom with us. Having already spoken to you I know you are an asset to our group and a sincere advocate of positive outcomes for divorce.
I look forward to hearing more from you based on your years of experience.
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce
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Going through divorce means dealing with hundreds of details, some more important than others. One detail that merits extra contemplation is how to deal with the marital home.Does one spouse want to keep it because the children still live there? You don't want to disrupt their lives any more than is already happening. What if the children are grown? Do you still need that much of a house?Here are the three most common means of dealing with the house in divorce:Selling the house and dividing the…See More
We know that the divorce rate among all couples is about 50%, but there is no question that divorce rates are even higher among parents of children with special needs.Below is an article that was written by Dr. Howard Drutman and Marsha Schechtman, LCSW. In this article, they talk about the considerations that must be understood about the special needs child. In addition to their information, we also have to think…See More
Scam artists have developed a new tactic in cheating taxpayers out of their hard-earned money.Transcript fraud is when taxpayers are lured into opening an attachment that is supposed to be their tax transcript. In fact, the attachment contains malware that will intercept all of your outgoing data, with the intent of capturing account numbers. From there, the thieves withdraw the money and the taxpayer is left without…See More
If you are getting divorced or just got divorced the last thing on your mind is taxes. It is important to remember that if you got divorced anytime in 2018 (even Dec. 31, 2018), you will be considered divorced for the whole year of 2018. What does that mean for taxes?It could mean a higher tax bill than you thought. If you are receiving alimony this year it will be taxable to you. If you are…See More
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Today I’m pleased to bring you a special guest blog written by my colleague Steve Erickson. In his 35 years of experience, Steve has come up with a novel approach to child support that shifts couples away from being adversarial and toward collaboration. This method is called the Child Support Account, and it was originally proposed…See More
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Have you thought about doing a tax projection for 2018?Obviously, this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. However, no one wants to be surprised around tax time. Here’s why you should get a head start on knowing the new tax law and how it will affect you and/or your business in the coming tax year.We are seven months into the New Year. You may not be aware that we have a new tax law that went into effect on December 22, 2017, or that most of the provisions took effect on January 1, 2018.Here are some…See More
Today I’m featuring an article by a colleague of mine named Martin Kranitz. Martin, a mediator in Maryland, has obtained certification from the Maryland Council for Dispute Resolution, one of the first organizations to provide mediator certification based on demonstrated performance rather than just education and mediation courses taken. In this piece, Martin discusses one of the many functions a mediator can play,…See More
As attitudes change about marriage and divorce, mediation has become an attractive alternative to traditional litigation. Still, some people are wary of it. The good news is that the facts support mediation, and in this post I provide a “cheat sheet” to help you persuade a reticent spouse into the process.Control: You and your spouse get to control the speed of the process. You both get to make…See More
Financial issues are a big part of the difficulty of divorce, in part because people don’t realize there are certain contracts that take precedence over divorce decrees. In fact, that’s the number one misconception that people seem to have. Being able to identify financial issues can help take away some of the pitfalls and stresses that can arise…See More