Every member of this site has their own unique message around the issue of Peaceful Divorce. When we each share the piece that we have with one another, we can put the puzzle together! Please share with us what your mission and your message is!
I love your forum post Laurie. That is exactly what is needed all across the board. As the momentum of this site continues to build, we will make a greater difference in the lives of those families who are in the crisis of divorce, and the positive effect on humanity as a whole will be exponential!
Thanks for helping to spread the message. Please feel free to let anyone you know who can assist us, or who needs our help, about our Peaceful Divorce site!
Hi everyone. First I feel honored to share a piece of puzzle with all of you who have higher qualifications and more experience than me. I'm really a "baby" in the field - ok, this is just to help me feel younger!!! :-) -
First I want to address the word "Divorce" and challenge the labels it bears. Divorce is seen as socially unacceptable; it translates a relationship failure and has many more stigma attached to it.
I have come to believe than one should approach a relationship bearing in mind that a future separation is a possibility.
A Divorce should then shift from being seen as a Problem to being a Solution.
It's all about emotional intelligence.
This should become a mandatory subject in schools by the way!
But knowing that we do not live in this perfect world, we have to remember that as Parents, we are role models! Nothing more, nothing less. You can't escape what you model for your children. We have a responsibility and children shouldn't pay for their parent's mistakes.
It's important that children remain the focus. A divorce changes a family, it does not end a family.
My mission is to bring in the awareness that we must not forget the responsibility with have towards our children and we must respect and allow them to love both parents...
My piece of a peaceful divorce is helping people who are going through divorce to become enlightened to the financial aspects of their lives as a couple and soon to be as individuals.
I bring a voice of reason and calm in emotionally charged situations and help to clarify the true picture of their future financial lives.
My aim is provide a fair and equitable division of assets and debts that leave both parties feeling that they got a fair shake in the divorce so they can move on to the next chapter of their lives without bitterness and regret.
Lisa, it’s been my experience that the financial piece is so intrinsically interwoven throughout the divorce process that a voice of wisdom such as yours is invaluable to families.
How many people do we know who have decided to “get divorced” and then spent tens of thousands of dollars (or more) and become frustrated because nothing is resolved satisfactorily within the adversarial system? The traditional divorce model serves to escalate anxiety, especially about money.
When children are involved, they may feel the “ripple effect” of their parents’ financial distress long after the divorce is “final.” We’ve all heard about the situations where one parent ends up with the money and the other without. Does that mean the parent with the money “won” the divorce? What message does this give to children? We know this imbalance is not necessary, and we know there is a better way.
Looking at the last few posts and considering divorce as a “solution” rather than a “problem” creates the ability to shift the paradigm and take a proactive approach. I believe we begin by educating both clients and other professionals about options to the traditional adversarial system and, as we provide the pieces of the puzzle, peaceful divorce will take shape.
It is just common sense that the peaceful way is the winning way for all the parties involved (except maybe the "shark" attorneys!). When each spouse feels that they have been heard and that they are getting a fair deal then they can move on with dignity. And it is even more important when there are children involved. Setting an example for their own children on how to resolve disputes in a peaceful manner will lead to much more happiness for everyone in the future and more money in their own pockets for a more prosperous future as well.
As a child psychologist, my piece to the puzzle is to help children of divorce find the silver lining. Divorce, like all lifes challenges, presents an opportunity for children and teens to stretch and grow. My mission is to empower children with the necessary psychological coping skills so that they can see the cookie jar as half full and turn those lemons into coolaide.
Kim, we are so happy to have you here! What an amazing convergence this peaceful divorce movement is!
It is inspiring to us divorce professionals, who may sometimes feel like we are trying to change the world on our own, to know that there are so many of us out there with the same intention and message.
Please feel free to connect with our other members, and to add to our voices here!
My piece of the peaceful divorce puzzle addresses something that society and our predecessors in divorce seem to have overlooked.
If we want to learn how to drive, we take lessons. It's the same with karate, dancing, golf, driving, breast feeding, etc.. There are even instructions and tips for learning how to sell a yo-yo on eBay.
But they never gave us any lessons on how to get divorced. No one tells us what to say and do (and not say and do!) if we hope to persuade our partner to agree to a peaceful, out-of-court settlement.
If society had never required driving instruction, we would have just experienced a century of unnecessary car wrecks. Without specific instruction on how to behave during one-on-one spousal settlement conversations, we have, in fact, already experienced a century of divorce wrecks/wars, many of which were likely unnecessary.
I have come across many newly revealed and effective things that divorcing spouses can now do to entice their spouses to join them in making their ordeal quicker, saner, and more affordable. I plan on sharing these insights with the group.
The more I learn is the more I realize that I need to learn, and whatever I have to offer is certainly far from complete.
I sincerely ask for and welcome any and all input.
So good to see you here at Peaceful Divorce and glad you're sharing your wisdom with us. Having already spoken to you I know you are an asset to our group and a sincere advocate of positive outcomes for divorce.
I look forward to hearing more from you based on your years of experience.
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce
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